The Glass In My Ass

My friend Muffin is staying with us for a few days, and his food was in a glass storage bowl sitting on the kitchen counter, so naturally I knocked it to ground and it broke into lots of pieces. In my frantic effort to eat as much of the food as I could, I accidentally ate a piece of glass.

Mom took me to the vet right away and they took an x-ray (not sure what that means) and the glass was sitting there right in my stomach. Dad took me back the next morning an it had moved into my colon. The vet dude said that was a good sign and it should pass through without any problems since there was a lot of food to buffer it (see, it's a good thing that I'm a pig!)

Note To Self:

If you chew on those cable thingies sticking out of the wall, they sting... a lot.

Tummy Ache

I found me some Oreo cookies while I was alone today. They were on a really high shelf and I guess Mom & Dad didn't think I could get to them... suckers! I'd never had Oreos before, and they were pretty tastey so I ate almost the entire bag.

Dad came home and seemed really concerned about it and he called the vet. Next thing I know, he gives me this funky tasting liquid and a few minutes later I'm barfing up all those tastey Oreos. And to make matters even worse, he cleaned it all up before I had a chance to eat them again! Bummer.

Now I have a bad tummy ache and a sugar-buzz hangover.

Been Working Out, I'm Huge!

Back in March when I started this blog and had just been adopted, I weighed in at a scrawny 22 pounds. Well, between the great dog food that Mom & Dad feed me and all the exercise, I'm now a solid 29.3 pounds, and it's all muscle baby! Yeah, I'm one sexy beagle.

Gotta Lay Off The Mud

I had a lot of fun in the mud over the last few weeks, and it finally caught up with me. A few days ago one of my ears starting itching, and then I got this sore on my neck. The sore got pretty irritated, so Mom took my to the vet and it turns out I have a bacterial ear infection and a bacterial 'hot spot' infection on my neck. Hmmm, I wonder where that bacteria could have come from? Could it possibly have been the digusting mud pools that I've been playing in?

I got an antibiotic shot at the vet (that hurt), and there are some creams that Mom & Dad put on my neck a few times a day, so hopefully I'll be all better in a few days.

Bad Ass Beagle

You know those solid metal choke-chain collars? Well, I'm such a bad ass that I broke mine. Fear me.

Beagle of Mass Destruction

Being a young, spirited dog, I like to chew on stuff. I have these big canine teeth, and it's just natural that I'd want to shred things with them. Now, apparently this can be an issue when I chew on things that I'm not supposed to, and since I don't know how to tell the difference, much trouble can arise.

You see, humans can probably tell the difference between a dog toy and an expensive blanket from Restoration Hardware (they do buy the stuff after all), but I'm a dog, so how am I supposed to know?

So far I've, ah, innocently misconstrued a few items as dog toys:

1 nice blanket
3 shoe sole inserts
1 sandal
2 dog beds*
1 carpet in neighbor's bedroom
1 pond skimmer filter pad
3 pond plants
5 issues of Newsweek
2 photo albums
1 crossword puzzle book
2 floormats
1 roll of heavy duty foil
7 rolls of toilet paper
1 french baguette
1 Camelbak drinking tube
11 pairs of underwear
1 bra

* Granted, I should probably know they were for sleeping on, but I wasn't sleeping on them at the time so they were fair game

Mud Lovers Unite!

Yes! This weekend I finally met some other dogs at the park who love mud as much as I do. See, I'm not crazy, I just have 'special' tastes. These other guys had a great time in the mud with me. I was quite impressed by the guy who dipped his entire head in, that dude's pretty hardcore!

The Joy of Mud

This weekend I discovered mud at the dog park. I seem to have a natural affinity for the stuff. Like moths are drawn to a flame, and Labs are drawn to water, I am drawn to mud. The other dogs (including my buddy Rufus) just don't seem to understand.

Guess What? I Can Swim!

So I was at the dog park playing with a Jack Russell Terrier, and she decides to go swimming in the pond. I'm not sure what got into me, but I couldn't just stand there and look like a chump, so gave it a shot and waddya know, I can swim!


Photo courtesy of Honey's Dad

Or watch the movie.

The Dog Park

As cool and the Dog Beach is, there's actually a place that's even cooler. It's a huge 44-acre dog park where dogs can run free in a natural setting. I love it. Every time I go, I find a cool dog to hang out with and we have a great time chasing each other, wrestling, and trying to out-pee each other.

I Love My New Family

It's taken me a while to get over my last family, but I'm starting to like my new one even better. Mom & Dad take great care of me, and even though they yell at me when I do bad things, I still love them a lot.

One of my favorite things is to take a nap with Mom or Dad on the window seat; I get to curl up next to them which makes me feel very safe and secure.

Dog Beach

Dad took me for a ride to this really cool place today. It's a beach, only it's just for dogs (they do allow people there as long as they're accompanied by a dog). The whole area is fenced in so I can't go wandering off to follow a scent trail, but that's ok because there's plenty there to keep me happy. I met a few other dogs there and we had a great time running around and wrestling on the sand.

One of them actually went into the water to chase after a toy; pretty bizarre, huh? I've seen dogs go swimming before, and quite frankly I think they have some serious mental issues. I'll go into the water up to my knees, but that's as far as I'll go.

Yay! They Came Back!

Mom and Dad came back and picked me up. :-) I'm so relieved to be home with them again. I was getting a little anxious, so I started tearing up the towels and toys that the people there had given me. But overall it wasn't a bad experience since I got three walks and three play sessions every day, and it was fun chatting with some of the other dogs there.

I'm am really tired though; it was tough sleeping with the nagging fear of abandonment and that annoying Schnauzer fella who snored like a chainsaw...

Uh Oh

Dad dropped me off at this place on Thursday and hasn't been back since. It's a pretty nice place, there are lots of other doggies and I get three walks and three play sessions every day, but I'm getting a little worried. You don't think they abandoned me, do you? I really hope not, I was starting to really enjoy living with them (except for getting squirted with the water pistol).

I'm Pooped

Wow, that was a fun weekend. It's finally warming up in Chicago and I spent most of the weekend outside. I played with Mom & Dad, chased squirrels, went for a walk with three other dogs from the neighborhood, dug a big hole in backyard, destroyed a ball, ate pond algae, and I even got to eat a tiny bit of the ribs that Dad smoked on Sunday.

Today I'm resting.

Best Toy Ever!

Like most dogs, I love my toys. The ones that squeak are fun, but the best ones involve food. I have this orange ball that Mom and Dad put bits of my food in. I have to roll it around, throw it, and spin it in order to get the food out, but my favorite trick is to toss it down the stairs.

Still Not High Enough

Being as amazingly agile as I am, I've been able to jump over that pathetic little gate that leads from the carport to the backyard. It was about 30 inches high when I first got here, and that was a piece of cake!

Then Dad made it about 36 inches, and that was a little tougher but I figured out how to get over that too! Last night I heard him say something about "48 inches ought to do the trick"... bring it on!

Well, Duh!

Mom and Dad have finally figured out that I'm much happier out of my crate while I'm alone. I guess they were worried that I might gnaw on furniture, drink cleaning products, chew on electrical cords, and pee on their bed (granted, I might have done that about 6 months ago, but I'm past that stage now).

After I escaped from my crate and was perfectly fine, I think they realized that I might do ok. So this week they started leaving me alone out of my crate for a few hours at a time, and I've done really well so far. And I'm not nearly as freaked out when they get home, either.

Chicks Dig Me

It's not easy being as good looking as I am. You'd think it'd be the coolest thing ever, but it can be a bit tiresome sometimes. Case in point, I met this Labradoodle named Honey the other day, and within like 2 minutes she's trying to make out with me! Can't say I blame her, but man, that's a little forward even by dog standards, don't you think?


I tried to get away from her, and she just kept running after me. That's one crazy bitch!


In the end I had to howl at her and try to explain that under-age Poodle mixes really aren't my thing and that I just want to be friends. Hopefully that did the trick, otherwise I might need a restraining order for this one.


(photos courtesy of Honey's Dad)

Still No Sign of My Nuts :-(

I guess they're gone for good. I searched all over the house and the yard, nothing. Oh well, they were a pain to lick anyway, plus I think they used to get me in trouble sometimes, so perhaps it's a good thing that they're gone.

Mom & Dad's New Secret Weapon

There I was, up on the kitchen counter sniffing around for food, and all of a sudden, BAM! A direct hit from a water pistol! BAM! Another one! Apparently Mom & Dad are actually serious about not wanting me up on the counters and stealing food. And then they used another one on me when I got up on their bed. Fine, I can take a hint.

Of course, I'm smart enough to realize that they can only do that while they're home. If they're away, you can expect to find me lounging on their bed, savoring the wonderful buttery flavor of a croissant that I stole from the kitchen...

The Crate Escape

Screw you guys, I just let myself out of the crate! That's right, clever little me figured out how to unhook the back wall of my crate and push it over just enough so I could sneak through. Like I said, I'm smarter than Uno. And did I mention that I'm also better looking?

You should have seen the look on Mom's face when she got home. She gets out of her car and there I am sitting on the window seat instead of inside my crate!

I had fun running around the house on my own, but I was a really good dog and didn't do anything that would have upset Mom and Dad. I spent most of the time sleeping on the window seat (it was nice and sunny today).

Dude, Where Are My Nuts???

So I was just licking myself and I noticed that both of my nuts are missing! What the...? I remember seeing them there a few weeks ago.

Perhaps they fell off while I was playing. As soon as Mom and Dad get home and let me out of the crate, I'm gonna have to go search for them in the backyard.

Dad's Sneaky

For some odd reason, Mom and Dad make me stay in my crate while they're out. Frankly, I think I'd be fine roaming the house all by myself. There'd be plenty of things to keep me entertained such as jumping onto the kitchen counters looking for food, chewing on various household objects, sleeping on their bed, and removing stuffing from any cushions I can find. And then of course there's the trash can...

I really don't like going into the crate because it means that they'll be leaving me. I guess I have what they call separation anxiety, which is no suprise given what I've been through recently. I'm okay once they're actually gone, it's just the departure and return that freak me out a bit.

Dad figured out how to lure me into the crate with food, but I'm learning his tricks so today I resisted temptation and didn't go in. But then Dad pretended to eat the treats in my crate and I just couldn't help myself. Dad's a sneaky one, I guess that's why he's an Alpha instead of me.

Huh?

According to us dogs, everything we come across can usually be categorized as being either:

- Dog
- Human
- Edible
- Chewable
- Chaseable (and then perhaps edible and/or chewable)
- Diggable

But every now and then I come across something that just doesn't fit my canine view of the world. Last night Mom and Dad were cleaning the house, and they brought out this strange thing that smelled a bit like me and made strange growling and hissing noises. They took it for a walk all over the house. Oh, and it had a long string hanging out of its butt, just like the hedgehog only it didn't jiggle when they pulled it out. I barked at it a few times, but it didn't seem to care. What was that thing???

I Love Snow!

Apparently it's a little unusual to get 8 inches of snow in Chicago in late March, but I'm not complaining, I love it! There's just something really fun about running through the snow, sticking my whole head in it, and eating snowballs. The other really nice thing about snow is that it makes it so much easier to keep track of where I've peed already.

Yesterday we went sledding and I had so much fun chasing the kids as they slid down the hill. I also went down a few times with Dad (he sat on a sled while I helped to make him go faster).

Damn, I'm a Smart Dog

So Dad gives me this new toy today that looks kinda like a hedgehog (though between you and me, it's not fooling anybody). Anyway, the toy has this string hanging out of its butt, and I figured out that if you pull on it, the hedgehog starts to jiggle. Pretty cool, huh? I was so excited that I ripped off its nose and tried to eat it (had to barf it back up a few minutes later).

I can't say that I've ever encountered a real hedgehog with string hanging out of its butt, but at least I'll now know what do if that ever happens.

I'm A High-Tech Hound!

I'm not sure if dogs are supposed to have blogs, but I figured us canines are just as deserving of a little social networking, although I prefer to think of it as virtual butt sniffing.



Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name is Elston and I'm a Beagle. I was recently given up to a local shelter by my old family in southern Illinois because they were 'moving' (like that's a good excuse to get rid of me, those bastards!). Anyway, I was picked up by an adoption organization in Chicago, and that's how my new family found me and adopted me on March 2, 2008.

My new owners seem pretty cool, though they're being totally obnoxious about keeping me off their bed. It's become a test of endurance; I figured if I just keep jumping up there and act all cute and cuddly, they're bound to cave eventually, right? Granted, they did get me a nice dog bed and placed it right next to theirs, but we all know that human beds are just better (as evidenced by the fact that they never sleep on the dog bed).

The last few days have been pretty exciting. Yesterday I figured out that if I stand on the window seat in the kitchen, I can jump from there onto the adjacent countertop! Yeah, baby! I was a bit bummed out that there weren't big slabs of meat or anything up there, but one of these days there might be...

And this morning I discovered that the round white thing that they sit on is actually a really fancy water dish. I have absolutely no idea why they sit on it (you don't see me sitting on my dish). I must admit it's a little tall for a dog like me, but the water was nice and cold. For some reason Dad got all mad about it and put the cover down; c'mon guys, can't you share?

Well, that'll do it for today, I'm exhausted (typing on a laptop keyboard with dog paws is a major PITA).