It's not easy being as good looking as I am. You'd think it'd be the coolest thing ever, but it can be a bit tiresome sometimes. Case in point, I met this Labradoodle named Honey the other day, and within like 2 minutes she's trying to make out with me! Can't say I blame her, but man, that's a little forward even by dog standards, don't you think?
I tried to get away from her, and she just kept running after me. That's one crazy bitch!
In the end I had to howl at her and try to explain that under-age Poodle mixes really aren't my thing and that I just want to be friends. Hopefully that did the trick, otherwise I might need a restraining order for this one.
I guess they're gone for good. I searched all over the house and the yard, nothing. Oh well, they were a pain to lick anyway, plus I think they used to get me in trouble sometimes, so perhaps it's a good thing that they're gone.
There I was, up on the kitchen counter sniffing around for food, and all of a sudden, BAM! A direct hit from a water pistol! BAM! Another one! Apparently Mom & Dad are actually serious about not wanting me up on the counters and stealing food. And then they used another one on me when I got up on their bed. Fine, I can take a hint.
Of course, I'm smart enough to realize that they can only do that while they're home. If they're away, you can expect to find me lounging on their bed, savoring the wonderful buttery flavor of a croissant that I stole from the kitchen...
Screw you guys, I just let myself out of the crate! That's right, clever little me figured out how to unhook the back wall of my crate and push it over just enough so I could sneak through. Like I said, I'm smarter than Uno. And did I mention that I'm also better looking?
You should have seen the look on Mom's face when she got home. She gets out of her car and there I am sitting on the window seat instead of inside my crate!
I had fun running around the house on my own, but I was a really good dog and didn't do anything that would have upset Mom and Dad. I spent most of the time sleeping on the window seat (it was nice and sunny today).
So I was just licking myself and I noticed that both of my nuts are missing! What the...? I remember seeing them there a few weeks ago.
Perhaps they fell off while I was playing. As soon as Mom and Dad get home and let me out of the crate, I'm gonna have to go search for them in the backyard.
For some odd reason, Mom and Dad make me stay in my crate while they're out. Frankly, I think I'd be fine roaming the house all by myself. There'd be plenty of things to keep me entertained such as jumping onto the kitchen counters looking for food, chewing on various household objects, sleeping on their bed, and removing stuffing from any cushions I can find. And then of course there's the trash can...
I really don't like going into the crate because it means that they'll be leaving me. I guess I have what they call separation anxiety, which is no suprise given what I've been through recently. I'm okay once they're actually gone, it's just the departure and return that freak me out a bit.
Dad figured out how to lure me into the crate with food, but I'm learning his tricks so today I resisted temptation and didn't go in. But then Dad pretended to eat the treats in my crate and I just couldn't help myself. Dad's a sneaky one, I guess that's why he's an Alpha instead of me.
According to us dogs, everything we come across can usually be categorized as being either:
- Dog - Human - Edible - Chewable - Chaseable (and then perhaps edible and/or chewable) - Diggable
But every now and then I come across something that just doesn't fit my canine view of the world. Last night Mom and Dad were cleaning the house, and they brought out this strange thing that smelled a bit like me and made strange growling and hissing noises. They took it for a walk all over the house. Oh, and it had a long string hanging out of its butt, just like the hedgehog only it didn't jiggle when they pulled it out. I barked at it a few times, but it didn't seem to care. What was that thing???
